


i'm in love with this feeling (and you)

by ninetynineclouds (foggydays)



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 18:34:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11213835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foggydays/pseuds/ninetynineclouds
Summary: "Hyung, do you like me?"Taeyang panics and doesn't know how to handle the situation, but it turns out to be not that bad at all.





	i'm in love with this feeling (and you)

**Author's Note:**

> here's a really short drabble because i simply wanted to write something at 2am and actually end up not abandoning it.  
> inspired from a prompt that can be found [here!](http://the-modern-typewriter.tumblr.com/post/161633639448/i-cant-think-straight-with-you-this-close)

“Hyung, do you like me?”

The question takes Taeyang by surprise, the phone in his hands almost slips and falls on his face. The panic seeps in and quickly takes over him, leaving his mind in a buzz as many different thoughts overwhelm him at once. It’s suddenly hard to breathe—his chest tightens as a heavy feeling settles. He doesn’t realise his hands are trembling ever so slightly, the only thing he worries about now is how the younger could have possibly found out something he’s been hiding from him and everyone else for years.

Taeyang can’t bear to look into Youngkyun’s eyes, too scared to look at what kind of expression the younger male has on his face at the moment. Too scared of the possibility that the friendship they’ve been slowly building for years would crumble into pieces that couldn’t be fixed if he ever told the truth. He keeps his mouth shut and continues to stare at his phone like he had previously did, except this time his vision blurs and he doesn’t even know what content he’s looking at. He pretends to ignore the younger, but there is no way he can simply ignore Youngkyun’s gaze—it almost burns his skin. He knows Youngkyun wouldn’t let this go so easily. Knows that this time it’d be even harder to avoid and come up with excuses.

“Hyung,” the other male says softly as he inches closer to Taeyang. “Look at me.”

His vision starts to focus when he hears Youngkyun telling him to look at him. He takes a deep ragged breath as he tries to calm himself, but he still doesn’t dare to look at Youngkyun just yet. And by the way he’s acting, the younger male could have already started confirming his previous suspicions. Taeyang is usually good at hiding his feelings and composing himself, he just doesn’t know why he’s acting this way. Perhaps it could be because he truly hadn’t expected Youngkyun to confront him like this, or perhaps it was due to the paranoia that had eventually brought him on edge to the point where he can’t take a hold of himself anymore.

“What?” He manages to say. It’s pathetic, but it still gives him time to reorganise his thoughts nonetheless.

“Look at me,” the younger repeats. There’s a hint of desperation in his voice, and Taeyang almost finds him cruel for doing this to him. As if all those times where Taeyang had to deal with Youngkyun constantly flirting with people who aren’t him, all those times where he had to pick his clothes for the dates he was going to and all those times he had to stop himself from telling Youngkyun that he’s so in love with him when his heart feels like it’s about to burst when Youngkyun does the cutest little things and doesn’t realise it, weren’t cruel enough.

Taeyang finally picks up the courage to look at the other male, and is slightly taken aback when Youngkyun’s face is so close to his. So close that he can feel the other’s warm breath against his skin, so close that if he moved a little closer their lips would meet. The older male cannot deny the fact that his eyes had went straight to Youngkyun’s lips and that the thought of kissing Youngkyun had briefly entered his mind. He couldn’t bear to look any longer when the younger male’s tongue had poked out to lick his slightly chapped lips, so he ends up staring into the brown orbs that were staring back at his. It wasn’t any better but he makes himself hold the gaze.

“I’m gonna ask you again.” Taeyang’s stomach drops. “Do you like me?”

The older male tries to play it off by saying, “Of course. You’re my best friend.”

“No. I meant… do you like  _like_  me?”

Silence ensues, and Taeyang finds it deafening. His heart beat speeds up and his lips start to dry. He croaks, “You already know, don’t you?”

“I wanted to hear it from you.”

Fuck it, Taeyang thinks. There’s no way he can avoid this, the answer is so clear and Youngkyun already knows it. How much more can this moment fuck up if he tells something Youngkyun already knows directly from his mouth? He takes another deep breath.

“Yes... I like you. So much actually,” he chuckles slightly, in disbelief that he’s actually uttering these words to Youngkyun. “I have for a long time now.”

 

Taeyang can’t pin-point exactly how or when he had developed romantic feelings for Youngkyun. Can’t really remember what was it that triggered those feelings to the point where when he had finally come to a realization of his feelings, it felt like a little like a tight slap to the face. Or maybe it wasn’t that he had  _finally_  realized, perhaps he had simply stopped ignoring the utterly blatant feelings he had for the younger male. It just couldn’t seem to sit well with him when he had first stopped ignoring it.

Because Taeyang didn’t know that he’d fall for a boy. He didn’t know that he wasn’t just into girls—how could he when the way he was brought up and everything that was taught to him was so heteronormative? And he wasn’t ready to face the fact that the boy he fell for was his very own best friend, as if the fact that he’s capable of liking a male wasn’t scary enough itself.

It definitely wasn’t easy, and Taeyang cannot lie and say that it didn’t hurt him when he realised that Youngkyun was possibly only into girls. And rarely does anyone ever fall for their best friend, or so Taeyang thinks anyway. There was basically little to no chance for a future with Youngkyun, so all he could do was keep it to himself just so that he can keep this friendship together. Anything to stay with Youngkyun, even if it meant that he had to keep those feelings a secret and watch as Youngkyun went on dates with other girls and hear all about it through the phone when the younger male got home.

The only other person who knows about Taeyang not only liking girls is Seokwoo, and that was because he had already figured that Taeyang liked Youngkyun before Taeyang even knew about his own feelings towards the younger male. And it was also because Taeyang had accidentally let it slip during one of those days when he’d notice how upset Youngkyun got because the girl he was dating was being ridiculously irrational. He remembers how he had uttered something like ‘I’d be a better date’ to Seokwoo when they were hanging out, and the male had burst into laughter because he knew what Taeyang was talking about.

It was a little scary at first, having someone else other than himself know about his sexuality, but Seokwoo had been so supportive and reassuring about it that Taeyang didn’t take that long to get comfortable. And there was no way that Youngkyun could find out from Seokwoo about the way Taeyang feels about him because Seokwoo definitely isn’t the type to snitch, nor is he the type to be careless to let it slip accidentally.

Now Taeyang just wonders how obvious could he have been about the way he feels that Seokwoo had figured out before he did, and Youngkyun figured out on his own?

 

Taeyang snaps out of his thoughts when he feels Youngkyun shift. Youngkyun’s head is now resting on his hands, elbows propped against his pillow, and there’s a really big grin on his face that leaves the older male confused and nervous.

“Wuh-what?” Taeyang asks, voice shaky due to the nervousness.

Youngkyun shakes his head. “Nothing. It’s just… I’m really happy… the feeling’s mutual.”

Taeyang almost forgets how to breathe when he hears those words. And he wonders if this is just a dream, because there is no way Youngkyun would be saying that in reality, right? Right you are.

(No, not really.)

“What?”

“I mean, I like you too. Pretty sure you liked me for a longer time though, but that doesn’t matter. And uh, I kinda suspected but I also doubted it and I just couldn’t take it anymore so I had to ask y’know?”

“Oh my God.”

Taeyang feels so light, and so happy to the point where he’s unable to explain this ecstasy. This is pure bliss, he thinks. How fucking delightful. Truly.

“Please don’t tell me you’re joking because I don’t think I can handle that right now. Or ever, really.”

“Who do you think I am? You out of all people should know that I would never joke about such things. Especially when it comes to you.”

The older male can’t stop himself from smiling at this point, because this is one of the things that he’s always so badly wanted, and he’s finally getting it. It almost feels like he’s won the lottery, and almost like a dream, except it’s undeniably real.

“Hyung, I really wanna kiss you right now. Can I kiss you?”

Taeyang doesn’t even answer the question because he finds it pretty damn ridiculous; he immediately closes the distance between them, though there wasn’t even that much in the first place, and locks his lips with Youngkyun’s. A startled noise escapes Youngkyun, and the hand that had previously supported his head drops before his head falls onto the pillow. He repositions himself slightly so that he’ll be in a more comfortable position and brings his hand up to cradle Taeyang’s face. They smile in the middle of the kiss and pull away for a while, their foreheads touching as they catch their breaths, before Youngkyun leans forward to kiss the older male one more time. Again, this is pure bliss.

“Woah..Wow..I—“ Youngkyun says after they’ve pulled apart and laughs. “Wait, I can’t think straight right now. Ah wow.”

Taeyang laughs, “The last thing anyone’s asking you to do is think  _straight._ ”

“Oh my God. Shut up.”

The two spend a minute or two laughing and dissing each other before they finally calm down and hold each other close, their limbs tangled and hearts contented. Taeyang finds that he’s in love with this feeling.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!  
> hopefully i'll write something much longer next time :)  
> oh & i just created a [sf9 twitter acc](https://twitter.com/97taeyangs) and a [tumblr acc](https://ninety9clouds.tumblr.com/)  
> so feel free to hmu anytime!!


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